Achieving fame is hard. Maintaining it is even harder. (Heidi Montag burns at least 800 calories daily through her relentless PR campaigning alone.) Still, we here at Preach It! have managed to discover the base formula for fame preservation -- at least, for fall 2010, anyway.
Pay attention, class:
Marijuana smoking plus threesomes OR lesbian kissing equals headlines.
Three actresses have announced new film roles in recent months. All three have at least two of the three pieces of the formula above. And all three have been snapping up headlines left and right.
"EXCLUSIVE!" Hollywood Life booms. "Girl Gone Wild: Jennifer Aniston Goes Topless, Smokes Pot & Has Threesomes In Her New Film 'Wanderlust'!"
Also from Hollywood Life: “K-Stew’s Shocking New Role: She Has a Threesome & Brags About Oral Sex! Twi-Hards, Are You Ready for This?”
That's K-Stew as in Kristen Stewart, for those of you who aren't up on the tabloid lingo.
Finally, there's Miley Cyrus, whose next movie role -- pot smoking, blah blah blah -- has ...
... already been documented by the Ministry of Gossip.It's all oh-so-shocking, at least, to showbiz reporters, who are apparently too young to remember movies like "Last Tango in Paris" or, well, anything filmed in the 1970s.
-- Leslie Gornstein
Photos: Miley Cyrus, left, Kristen Stewart and Jennifer Aniston. Hey, this montage is, technically, a threesome -- think we could get it to smoke dope too? Oh, wait, then we'd need a *headline* instead of a caption. Credits: Charles Sykes / Associated Press, left; Andrew H. Walker / Getty Images, center; Jason Merritt / Getty Images, right.
Related dispatches from the Ministry of Gossip:
PREACH IT! What will it take for you to feel sorry for Heidi Montag?
PREACH IT! Auto-Tuned voices aren't the only TV 'reality' that producers control
PREACH IT! Good signs from Reese Witherspoon and Angelina Jolie
PREACH IT! A rare hiccup from Jennifer Aniston's purring PR machine